Single mother by choice chosen for Gift of Hope IVF Grant 2024 award
Alexia, a social worker and pursuing single motherhood by choice, was awarded the Gift of Hope IVF Grant 2024 in her quest to have a child.
As far back as Alexia can remember, she felt destined to be a mother. Growing up, she observed her mother raise four children with love and ease and assumed her life would work out the same. In college she would find the love of her life and then the fairytale would happen.
College turned out to add much value to Alexia’s life, but it did not lead her to “Mr. Right.” When she accidentally took a social work class in college, she realized that perhaps being a mother was not all she was destined to do. “I still believed settling down with a partner would be a significant and fulfilling part of my life,” says Alexia. Instead, as her college days ended and life took her along for the ride, she found passion in being a social worker.
Today, at 37 years old, Alexia finds herself being the “state mom” for many men, both young and old, trying to find their way in the state correctional setting. “It has been a beautiful and life-changing experience working in the prison system, and I can with confidence say it has given me and will continue to give me the skills I need to be a better person and hopefully a better parent.”
The decision to be a single mother by choice was difficult
Deciding to begin her journey to be a single mother by choice was not an easy one for Alexia. Over several years she did a lot of soul searching to make the decision to pursue single parenthood on her own. Could she do this very important job of raising another human by herself? Could she financially afford it on a social worker’s salary? Did she have the support system of family and friends? What does the process of getting pregnant without a partner even entail?
After committing to her decision of single parenthood, she sought out Dr. Neil Chappell to help her along her journey. She would obviously need a sperm donor. And she had some good friends who had already found success at Fertility Answers with Dr. Chappell using donated sperm. At their first meeting, Dr. Chappell laid out a plan that would start with intrauterine insemination using donated sperm that Alexia would choose from a sperm bank. She underwent two IUIs in late 2023 with a positive pregnancy test after the second. Unfortunately, she soon miscarried. “I was devastated by this news and also hurt to learn the donor I had chosen was no longer donating,” says Alexia. “I felt like this was a sign that perhaps ‘state mom’ was the only kind of mom I was destined to be.”
Determined not to give up on her dream of motherhood, Alexia soon searched again through the sperm bank’s donors and by what she can only explain as fate, she found that her original donor had a limited number of vials available again. “I felt like this was my sign. Without hesitation, I bought two more vials.” But two more IUI attempts with this donor proved unsuccessful and Alexia was back to square one.
After failed IUIs, IVF would give her a higher chance to conceive
Consulting with Dr. Chappell, Alexia was told that it may be time to consider IVF which comes with higher success rates, especially given her age. He also mentioned Fertility Answers’ Gift of Hope IVF Grant 2024 program and that she would be a good candidate to apply. “The Gift of Hope became a last resort option in my head because I was hopeful to be successful with IUI, and I knew I could not reasonably consider IVF as an option due to my financial status.” She opted instead to pursue a fifth IUI with a new donor. This would have to be her final try since she had exhausted all her financial resources.
“When my 5th IUI was unsuccessful, the Gift of Hope became my only hope,” says Alexia. But, trying to figure out how to put into words why such a want for her was actually a “need” was difficult. “As a social worker, I have seen the needs of so many go unmet that it is hard for me to ask for help in fulfilling such a desire, a privilege, of having a child.”
Alexia feels that being given the opportunity to become a parent, a true parent and not “state” parent, would be a blessing that only seems like a hope and a dream at this point, one that can only be fulfilled through IVF and the Gift of Hope IVF Grant 2024. “The privilege of bringing life into this world would be the greatest gift I could give back for embracing my desire to help and provide hope for others.” Obviously, the Gift of Hope IVF Grant committee agreed when they chose her for one of the 2024 awards.
